Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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