yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
