My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My breasts were aching with rage.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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