Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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