So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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