Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Send help, water and tortillas.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
