new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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