And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
