dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
