just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
