FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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