Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
