I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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