You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
