The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
