i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
