I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
