He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
