She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Randomize
