There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
