Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
