oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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