I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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