She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
