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You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
