she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
