That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
