She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
