All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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