You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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