the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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