Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
