I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
did i just pee glitter
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
