they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
