I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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