remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sorry about my life...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
