I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
