i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
