i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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