So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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