She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
