He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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