Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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