The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Mom said you looked used
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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