I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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