i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
