Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
