I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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