is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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