I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
